im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I pour the whiskey from now on
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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