exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
