I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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