Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
