you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
