Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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