Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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