i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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