I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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