pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
pray to the hookup gods
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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