After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
