Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
