it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
