plz talk dirty to me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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