ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
