I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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