is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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