True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
