I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
