drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
