oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
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There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
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she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do