at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.