we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
