Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
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The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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