i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
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Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
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Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...