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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint

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  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (602): View more from Arizona

  i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall

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• (619): View more from California

  I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.

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• (909): View more from California

  Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  You are a god.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.

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