I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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