super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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