Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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