remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
