Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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