i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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