Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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