My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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