You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
