fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
