Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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