What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
