I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
"it" just moved
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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