if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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