im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We left an ass print on the piano.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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