Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
