when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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