Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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