We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
