wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
