im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
