You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
