When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I puked a lego.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
