She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize