that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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