This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
