He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
