need another drink. this is the easiest way
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
