Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Can i not drive my cunt home
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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