I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
