puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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