Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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