yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
