I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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