You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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