i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize