Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
