So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she peed on how many people?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
