I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
