I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
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