my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
