Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
