i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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