I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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