Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
