I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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