Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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