Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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