oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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