so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
