u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We left the knife in your bed.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
