I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
