life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
