My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
