Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
