she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
