i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
