Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
