If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
