I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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