dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
