You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
