i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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