we made out on top of his cat.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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